goodbye "Gawan"

Colin has said Gavin as "Gawan" for as long as I remember him being able to say his brother's name. Yesterday, I noticed him really enunciating "GaVin," especially the v. Gav told me that he and Blake and Allison were helping Colin learn to say it correctly. As sweet as that it, it's always sad when one of the "baby" ways of saying something starts to fade away.

t-ball

Gavin played fall ball this year, and today was their tournament. It was a single elimination tournament, so once the team lost they were finished. Our game was at 9am, so it was nice outside for the boys to play. Warming up but still cool enough to be comfortable.

Gavin played catcher at first. He loves to play catcher and will request to do so whenever possible. It's the only infield position he played this season! He spends a lot of time in the outfield :)

I got video of Gavin at his first at-bat, and for some reason the video is horrible. Why my camera had to act up, I don't know, but you can see him hit even with the wonkiness. The video did show him running to first but that's not visible now.

I also got video of Gavin running to home during that same at-bat. Thankfully, that video turned out just fine!!

The game was neck and neck. There is a 5-run limit each inning, so after 4 innings the teams were tied 20-20. Sudden death in t-ball is interesting. Each team starts with a runner on 2nd base, and you play until there is an out. Switch and repeat. We fielded first, and the other team scored 3 runs before Gavin's team got one of them out at first base. Then we were up at bat, and one of Gavin's teammates had one of the most beautiful hits I've ever seen at one of his t-ball games. Somehow, it went directly to a member of the other team, who caught it! So there was their one out, with no points scored, meaning the other team won the game. Gavin's team was thus out of the tournament. (Don't tell Gavin, but I was so relieved - I don't think Colin had it in him to sit through another t-ball game!)

Here's the team, kids and coaches, posing with their banner after the game:

Gavin had a great time playing with these kids. They were a really good group. G is the youngest on the team at not yet 5, and the rest of them are 5 and 6. The boys took good care of him and were always great about including him. I'm not going to miss going to practice every week and going to games every Saturday, but I am going to miss how happy Gavin was whenever we went to t-ball and how much fun he had. He will soon be counting down until the spring season begins!

I love you, sweet boy

Our bedtime has a very standard routine, night after night. After we read a story in the bottom bunk together, Gavin climbs the ladder to the top bunk. I'll climb up, tuck him in, kiss and hug, then we share I love yous. Next comes Colin - he insists on being the last one tucked in - and we do the same thing. Tuck in, kiss and hug, and share I love yous.

I didn't realize I always said "Good night, sweet boy" until he came back at me with "Good night, sweet girl." It comes out more like "good night sweet gwiw" since his l's and r's are still w's, which is really even cuter. Last night I said "good night sweetheart" and he replied "good night sweetheart girl."

I love those boys so fiercely it hurts. In a good way.

dinosaurs!

Okay, really, how is one person so ridiculously talented? Gramma Joy has again created the most amazing Halloween costumes for the boys. We got a big box from UPS today and opened it after we got home. We unearthed 3 dinosaur costumes - a green one for Gavin, a blue one for Colin, and a pink and purple one for Nora (who is our adorable and awesome neighbor but who has not yet seen the cuteness that is her new dino costume). The boys HAD to put their dinosaurs on to try them out:

I took the boys into my bathroom to look in the full length mirror to get a peek of how they looked. Both of Gavin's hands shot to his mouth as he looked in awe at the sight before him. He was speechless. And grinning like crazy. Colin noticed that his dinosaur has wings, so he started running around, yelling "flap! flap!" Both boys commenced chasing each other, roaring, and trying to attack each other with their tails.

I made them take off the dino ensembles before dinner so they didn't get yucky and covered with food. Hopefully they are not yet completely covered in dog hair! I cannot WAIT for Halloween so they can show off their costumes!!

tumor pictures

Okay, if you don't want to see pictures of this horrible big thing that my doctor removed from my brain, close your browser now.

The images below are from the MRI done on May 14, the day after I was admitted to the hospital. My neurologist showed me this scan when he told me about the procedure he planned to do. It was surreal.

I have since had post-operative scans that show my brain is healing awesomely. It's spreading out to retake the space that had been stolen by the invading forces of the tumor. The swelling inside is going down nicely.

These first 3 pictures show slices of the scan going from the top of my head down:

This last picture is from the side - the tumor was on the right side, just behind my eye, hence the double vision:

Holy shit. I am so glad that thing is gone.

update on stuff

Things are good! I am stronger and I don't get tired as easily. No more headaches from the healing inside my brain, but I do still get headaches from the outside of my head healing. They had to cut my jaw muscle (the chewing muscle by my ear) so I still can't open my mouth super wide (yawning hurts!) but it's healing and getting better. The area where they had to separate muscle from bone during surgery is where I get sore, usually at the end of the day, and I usually go to sleep with a kiddie ice pack. Luckily, it doesn't really bother me during the day. It's just when I'm in bed and not doing anything and I'm tired that I feel it.

Today will be a test of my energy level - the boys are home with me today, and Scott will be at work! They've been going to the babysitter's house the past 2 weeks since school let out, and starting today they're home with me full time. I'm excited to spend time with them and have our world back to normal, but I'm nervous about how exhausted I'll be by the time Scott gets home! I have an appointment at 3pm today so Scott's sister Beth is coming over to watch the boys. As much as I'm not looking forward to going to an oncologist (though I do want to hear more about exactly what this tumor was and what I'm looking forward to in the future) I think I will need a break away from the kids to rest! :)

I've been doing really well. Before surgery, I could stay in bed all morning and then get back in a few hours later for a nap. Now, I'm up at 6:45-7am (today I was up before the boys) and only if it's been a really busy day (like yesterday, yard work and swimming) do I need a nap. I've been pretty much just in the house for the past couple of weeks, since I wasn't able to drive, but now I'll be doing more with the kids home. We have several play dates planned, and thank goodness for that, other people's kids can entertain them! I'm trying to get some crafty stuff together for us to do, but the kids really just like to play with action figures these days :)

Gavin no longer takes a nap, so I'm thinking that while Colin naps in the afternoon we'll have "school" time. Math seems to happen at dinner (this kid is sharp, I am so screwed), and we can read anytime, so nap work will most likely be a lot of handwriting practice. He doesn't like to write (his daddy is the same, his handwriting is abhorrent) but I want to help him work on holding his pencil correctly before he goes to school. Pencil grip is set in place by age 5 or 6 and it's ridiculously difficult to change the habit afterwards. I fight kids at school constantly on that front!

All in all, things are fabulous. I am an entirely different person than I was in the 6 months or so before surgery. I have energy, I am happy, I want to interact with my family and friends, I want to be a part of things. It's good.

Enough about me - I started this blog to chronicle how things were going with the boys, and I have totally hijacked it with my brain tumor crap. Sorry!

Gavin finished his t-ball season while I was in the hospital. I missed his last game and closing ceremonies :( He loved t-ball, and he even got a certificate for most improved hitter from his coach! Now he's back in swimming lessons (we had stopped because it interfered with t-ball games on Saturdays) and he's doing really well. We didn't sign Colin up this time because there wasn't an opening in a parent/child class at the same time as Gavin's class, but we checked this weekend and there is 1 opening for each at 10:30am, so we're hoping no one takes them and we can move both boys to that time slot and both can take swim lessons. (Wow, holy run on sentence Batman!) Colin kept asking to get in the pool on Saturday when we were watching Gavin. We took the boys to our neighborhood pool yesterday, and Colin wasn't excited about getting completely under the water. He had a blast, though, with me holding him and kicking his legs. I think once he's back in swim lessons he'll warm up to it all soon.

What this blog needs is PICTURES! I've been taking pictures with my phone and usually they get posted on Facebook. Dumb FB is why I never update the blog, it's an immediate update. This summer I will try to take more pictures (these kids are growing so fast!) and post them online. A girl's gotta have goals!

doctor checkup

Today we saw my neurosurgeon for the first time since I left the hospital. My stitches are gone (yay!) so I can now take a shower and get the incision site wet. A real shampoo, not just part of my head at a time! I have not looked forward to anything this much in a long time.

My double vision has come back a bit, so my doctor put me in contact with an opthamologist here in town. He said that they might possibly do corrective lenses, vision therapy, or something else of the sort to help me sort out my vision. And apparently my change in sense of smell is not unheard of and hopefully will get back to normal. I would totally like for that to be the case.

We asked if we could have a copy of my pre-op MRI and they said that they can burn it to a CD for us. I have another MRI scheduled for this Friday to see how things look post-op. The CT they did the day after the surgery (at 4am, that was pleasant) was amazing to see - my brain had filled up the space the tumor had occupied already. Wild.